Improving your writing style
Today, I was reading a blog that gave tips on improving your writing style. One of the tips was to remove every other sentence that you write. I thought that would be interesting to try. So, here is the result of that effort to see if that unusual tip will help me to write better. The blog also suggested to forget commas and use only periods when writing. The first text will be the original version of what I wrote. The second text will be the revised version using no commas and removing every other sentence.
My next show will be this coming Saturday in the town of St. Peter Minnesota. When people ask me where it will be held I usually reply “I don’t know, but I turn left shortly after I get to town.” I can usually find the facility where the show is held by doing this. The show will run from 10 AM until 4 PM. We are all hoping for a good turn out and shoppers who are ready and willing to spend their hard earned money with us. Truly this will be a great opportunity for them to complete their Christmas shopping in one spot. They can buy American handmade at this show. The quality is excellent among the artisans who participate. There are many fiber artists there. I am not a fiber artist. I make lampwork beads. It is my passion. I only do a few shows a year so it’s important to make items that people will want to buy. I hope I succeeded this year.
When people ask me where it will be held I usually reply “I don’t know but I turn left shortly after I get to town.” The show will run from 10 AM until 4 PM. Truly this will be a great opportunity for them to complete their Christmas shopping in one spot. There are many fiber artists there. I make lampwork beads. I only do a few shows a year so it’s important to make items that people will want to buy.
What do you think? Which bit of writing do you like the best?
I honestly like the second one the best! I never thought taking out text would improve what I wrote without making the text incomplete. Yes, it still needs a bit of tweaking, but I do like it better in its raw version than the first entry.
Here's the link to the blog entry I read. I think you'll find it interesting. Be sure to read the entire text. Click here.
I like the second version. It is more concise. :)
ReplyDeleteI don't know if every other sentence would actually be best policy, but I do love Mark Twain's saying, "I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I've written a long one instead." I think to make a really good concise piece of writing, you need to edit with purpose.
ReplyDeleteI was an English teacher in my former life. The most important thing that I would instill in my students is that it is okay, and even encouraged, to edit your work. I think that the second one is tighter, but would need to be tweaked so that I understood the flow of your thoughts. While I often let my own words flow when I write, and what you see is how it came out of my head, I do go back and edit. I will have to try to do this myself, because as you can see I am not very good at short and sweet! :-)
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the day!
Erin