Ode From a Human to Her Dog Who Thinks He's a Puppy!

From Her:
It must be nice to be a dog
and sleep the evening away.
That is until 2:30 or 3 AM
When you decide you need to---
Whatever!
But, I know you really want a
T-R-E-A-T
or an ear rub
or a walk
or a toy you can reach
or a massage
or some loving,
Did I already say a T-R-E-A-T or an ear rub?
But at that hour, we'd rather be sleeping,
So,
No more
Barking,
Whining,
Moaning,
Groaning,
or Begging,
Or I will get the Fly Swatter!
So just let me sleep!

From the D-O-G!

Why are my humans so darned upset?
I don't get it, I really don't.
They give me food.
They give me water,
and I need those things,
but right now what I really need is:
A treat,
An Ear rub,
A Belly rub,
A Blanket,
A Toy that I can reach
but it smells just like my human when she tosses it.
More food,
More water,
More loving,
A massage.
A Walk,
Did I say ear rub?
I want that squirrel in the back.
Oh, look, I see a cat.
If she'd just give me
What I want,
When I want it,
How, I want it,
Well, Life could be so simple.
So I try to tell her,
I just love her,
but what do I hear?
Fly Swatter!
I don't know what that is,
but it can't be good,
So I go to bed and sleep
until she wakes me up with that smile that says,
"I'm getting even with you!"
But, I do have to go potty,
And I see a squirrel in the yard,
I'll get my food when I come in,
I'll get my treat, too.
I get everything I want,
I just don't get the problem!

My Name is Tommy

And I hate the one who writes this blog. Well, perhaps, not all of her, but when I am at my house, I hate her right hand. When I am at her house, I truly dislike her. That human does not belong to me, totally, but her daughter does. I like he daughter. She does my bidding, and her hands are nice. I don't hate either of her hands. She feeds me. She takes care of me. I don't like it when she takes me to the vet, but I will tolerate it as long as that human does not stick his finger up my, well, you know. It is most undignified. Where is the food he should be giving me? Why does the mother of the human I have not understand when I tell her my bidding? Perhaps she is slow. My human is not.



This is my human. Her mother does not understand me, but my human does. I don't like it when we go to see her mother. When I see her mother, I hiss and let her know that I dislike her. I also try to bite her right hand. She knows why I don't like her right hand. My human tells me to be good, but I am not the problem. Here is the problem.











I believe they call it Spike. It smells. I don't like it. It comes and barks at me, and I hiss at it. It is a creature that should stay away from me. My human's mother seems to like this creature. I don't know why. I can smell this creature when she comes into my room to say good night or to pet me. I smell her hand, and I don't like that creature they call a Spike. He is most undignified. Why can't he meow and speak cat? Slow creature! Enough of him!









This is Marvin. He is my adopted brother. He is much more shy than I am. When my human's creature comes to the our house, he hides. He, also, smells the creature. Marvin has, at times, allowed the mother of my human to give him a hello backrub. I have allowed it, too, but not with her right hand. She does know why I hate her right hand. I allow her left hand to touch me. Marvin is much younger than I am. He thinks he's the boss, but I have to show him that I am. He doesn't complain much about our human mother's house, but when she comes in, he looks at me to see if it's okay for her to pet him.






I'm tired now. Enough of this. We shall return in the future. My human's mother thinks we're cute. We know we are. We shall return. Oh, my, I can smell that creature!