Monday, April 27, 2015

How to Live Life Happily According to Miss Pixie Marie

1) When you're hungry, eat until you're full.  No more.
No less.

2) If you have a tummy ache, throw up what's in your tummy on the rug.
You then have the choice to lick it up or not.
For me, it just depends on the day and what I have eaten.

3) If you need an ear rub, put your head, with the ear you want rubbed, under your human's hand and move.   She will catch on--eventually!

4) If you have to go potty, and standing there looking at your human doesn't get their attention,
go to the basement and find that special place.
The smells are wonderful down there.
Eventually, she will catch on that what you were saying was that "I need to go potty, NOW!"
 It might take you a while to train your human, but it will happen.

5) If she makes you ring a stupid bell before she opens the door to let you out to go potty,
ring it.  She's happy, and you get an ear rub out of it.  I go for those ear rubs any time.

6) If you want a treat, stand in front of your human and lick your lips.  Remember, training your human takes a while, but she's so proud of herself when she realizes that you want a treat, your human will give you more than one treat and she will give you an ear rub for "telling" her that you wanted a treat.  I wish I could rub my human's ears.  It's a good way to train them.

7) If you have to go potty in the middle of the night, and your human doesn't see you standing there looking at her,  repeat step 4.  In the morning, your human will say that you left her a "present."
Presents are good.  I don't know why she's not happy when she picks up your "present."

8)  If you're tired, go to sleep.  My human seems happy when I sleep, yet, it's annoying.  She wakes me up to rub my ears.  I think she should wait until I'm awake to rub my ears.

9) If your human has decided to try to MAKE you play with toys, and why anyone would want to play with those things, I don't know, sniff that toy and walk away.  Your human will say, "Do you know how much money I paid for that toy?  Play with it!" 
It much more fun if you hit the toy with your nose, smell it, THEN walk away.
You take your owner from hope to realizing the money was wasted on a toy.
I'd rather have treats!

10) If my butt itches, I like it.
My human doesn't lick her butt, or, at least, that's what my owner says to me.
I'll have to watch my owner closely now.
My butt itches. 
Excuse me,
I'm busy now!!!

More lessons in life to follow, when I'm awake.
Maybe, maybe not.
Good night.

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